Planning or dreaming together with your spouse (or partner) can be a fun and useful activity. Here is some of my story to get you thinking about what could happen.
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The Story with My Husband
If you have been married for any length of time, then I am sure you have some experience planning and dreaming together with your spouse. Sometimes this can be a challenge, and sometimes it’s fun and easy.
I have had more than my fair share of dreaming with my husband, Kevin. (The above picture is us on our wedding day.) We’ve been married since 1997 and have lived all over the world together. And we have kids. Those two things alone let you know that we have had to dream together about what life will be like when major life events have unfolded.
Our personalities are polar opposites. (If you are familiar with the DISC profile, I am CD, and Kevin is SI.) I am quick to make decisions, do things at a fast pace, I like to lead, I like adventure, and am organized.
Kevin is slower to decide things, moves at a slower pace, is content with whatever, has grown to enjoy the adventure through living with me, and prefers a few piles here and there. So as you can imagine, we don’t always see eye to eye.
One way we have overcome these personality differences is that we try really hard to listen to each other’s opinion, seek to understand, then think about ways that we can serve each other’s vision. I have lots of examples but here are a couple.
Several years ago we were living in Florida, and Kevin decided he wanted to go back to school to get his MBA. I told him he could apply wherever he wanted to and we would go. The one he chose was in North Carolina, so we moved up there. I had our first baby between his first and second year. It was so hard to take care of her with him being so busy, doing homework, and having classes. Plus I had never really been around newborns much, so it was just a learning curve for me as well.
But we stuck it out. I let Kevin live his dream to get his degree, and I held down the fort at home. I listened and served his vision.
I had always wanted to adopt a Chinese orphan girl, and I told Kevin this when we began to date seriously. He was fine with that, and we knew that one day we would try to adopt. We did in fact try to adopt twice, and it fell through both times. After these two attempts, I felt like it was time to move to China to try to help as many girls as possible. Kevin thought and prayed about it, and within four days he was on board.
Then his chief goal shifted from his work and life in the US to supporting my dream and getting our family to China. Through the years in China, he was a great help with our work there. He homeschooled the girls, did all the admin for our work, and spent two years getting our business license set up.
I am sure at points it was difficult for him. He didn’t love homeschooling the girls or all the hassle of getting our work visa. But he listened to my dream and supported my vision whatever it took.
Dreaming Together With Your Spouse
Isn’t that what doing life together really looks like? Loving, listening, serving, and caring for our significant other? It isn’t always fun or comfortable, but the trust and admiration that develops in those seasons is really sweet and unites us together even more.
A popular book on marriage you may enjoy is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman.
I hope our story has encouraged you to dream and discuss things with your partner. You never know where it may lead you. Click here for Part 2 of Dreaming Together.
Please comment with your stories, and don’t forget to share with a friend who may find this helpful!